


They Hadn't Met at the End of the World

by Tolpen



Category: Original Work
Genre: Christmas, Gen, Other Fandoms hinted, Post-Apocalypse, Theoretically a crossover, Translated from Czech
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-12-14 20:07:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11790510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tolpen/pseuds/Tolpen
Summary: Four friends... Well, friends... It is winter and four lost existences meet and decide to spend time together. Despite their races share the same name, each of them is absurdly different from the others.This is my story I submitted for a Christmas writing competition on a literary-game server. And won by the way. By a mile. Not like the competition was something great. However, I thought someone would be interested in a humorous friend story, and since the original is written in Czech, I decide to post here a translation, half a year late.





	They Hadn't Met at the End of the World

**Author's Note:**

> Let's play a game: There are four troll races. You get a point for each one you recognize.

They didn't meet at the end of the world. But to be honest, the abandoned subway station seemed as one. All subway stations were abandoned, because the underground lines were disused for a one thousand and five hundred years at least on this planet. They met at the terminal station of approximately a millennium and half abandoned underground line G.  
They were sitting behind the safety line and kicking their feet above the rails. Only Paves didn't kick, instead she was staring at a wall like a tool. There was silence for quite a long time, because they didn't have much to say to each other.  
“It's ashing outside again,” said Bigeye. Had Bigeye been a human, he had been British. Considered all circumstances, he was the best dressed of the group. Paves thought of his complete neoprene suit with flippers as a bit of extravagance, but she never said. And even if she had said, no one would care.  
“Tis always falling ash outside,” said Plop. Plop disliked people not speaking to the matter. To be fair, Plop disliked people talking. Because then Bigeye and Kirzan began to use long and complicated words, and he felt left out of the conversation.  
“And that. Gravity.” Words rumbled thorough the platform and the little plaster remaining on the ceiling hailed down. “That is also falling. All the time.”  
Everyone was pondering over Paves' profound speech. There was silence after that, because now even Bigeye didn't know how to start about the weather.  
“'Round this time humans celebrate Christmas,” Plop broke the silence.  
“That is true, they do. We, for example, celebrate the Twelfth Perigee,” Bigeye nodded.  
Kirzan sighed: “Can't you say 'month' like everyone else?”  
“No, I can't. It is the name of the holiday. Twelfth Perigee.”  
“Alright, alright, forget I mentioned.” Over the years Kirzan's voice lost most of its accent and thorough the respirator nearly all of its melodies were lost. Despite that it made them all think of sunny tropical islands and coconut palms. All except Plop who had never seen a tropical island, so he had to think of a lava pool instead. “What kind of a holiday is dat?”  
“Tis a celebration in the middle o' the winter when ya gather yer family 'n-”  
“Or friends,” Bigeye interrupted Plop mid-explanation.  
“Yea, or friends, 'n-”  
“Or enemies.”  
“Bigeye shut yer mouth! Ya gather everyone who matters to you 'n ya'll give gifties to each other 'n celebrate ya hadn't frozen to death in the snow 'n cold. People always find bunch of reasons, like a big red fella with sleight or birthday of human version of the Maker, but really 'tis just this deep.”  
There was silence for a while, because Kirzan needed time to digest the information. Paves reached her hand to the ceiling and ripped off some cable. It would had put out all the lights, but they were out of service already. The group didn't mind, because aside from Kirzan the all were nocturnal and had night vision. Kirzan moved around using is sense of smell and hearing, and in case of dire need he had a torch.  
“So, in fact it's the same as the Winter Veil,” Kirzan summarized it in the end and somersaulted backwards, landing on his back. He then remained laying in a pile of rubble.  
“Hogswatch is also celebrated,” Paves rumbled.  
“You are somewhat well-spoken today,” mumbled Bigeye. “Must be the cold.”  
Paves nodded. It was as if they were looking at accelerated movement of the continents. There was silence for a while, because no one really knew what to say.  
“We could, like, celebrate,” suggested Bigeye after few minutes.  
Plop looked at him, as thought Bigeye had just suggested to take off their respirators and inhale deeply: “Like together?”  
“Well... I know. It's stupid, isn't it?”  
“Tis. 'N I haven't an gifties fer ya anyway.”  
There was silence. There was silence because no one wanted to say anything.  
Then Paves spoke: “We can set something on fire. Fires are traditional.”  
“I like dat!” It was in Kirzan's nature to set things aflame. Such as his hair and so on. “Anyone got matches or a lighter?”  
Paves clapped her hands together. A spray of sparkles came off her fingers.  
“I didn't ask a thing. How is it possible I forget two tons of walking and talking flit, do tell me.”

The were not sitting at the end of the world. They were sitting outside in front of something what could had been years and years ago a fast food restaurant. However, ever since the lowest hundred floors were polluted with all kinds of gases and poisons it hadn't been opened, certainly the local patrons thought of it as of end of the world.  
They tried to sit in a square formation around the bonfire. There were minor problems with it. One of them was that Paves was three corners of the said square at once. Another one was that Bigeye didn't want to sit next to Plop or Kirzan. And neither Kirzan nor Plop wanted to sit next to Bigeye. He sat between them, so no one was was happy, and all three were complaining until Paves suggested to roast something because roasting is a tradition. After that they had a surprisingly textbook behaviour.  
It wasn't the first bonfire they had successfully lit but it was the last one still burning. The nearby late oil depot was still smouldering. Plop knew it was a mistake to mention its existence, sometimes he got drinks there or now rather he used to. Well, he kept the thinner depot for himself.  
From time to time one of the annoy-each-other trio went to get some more fuel for the fire. Soon they stopped sending Bigeye because it turned out that the horned troll had absolutely no idea what is flammable and what is not.  
“Bigeye?” hummed Plop.  
“What is it?” Bigeye was still upset because they didn't let him put a steel traverse in the fire.  
“I always wanted to ask ya-”  
“Holy cod... About what?”  
“Why do dey call ya Bigeye?”  
Bigeye gave Plop a long look with his big brightly yellow eyes. In the light of fire the white of his eye, if we can call it white, seemed gold and nearly glowing. Around his pupil was a thing ring of blackberry colour.  
“Because I've got fins like a bigeye bass, that's why.”  
That confused Plop but there was no other explanation coming.  
There was a silence for a while because everyone was digesting it. Kirzan pulled a piece of dishcloth out of somewhere and began polishing his tusks, which forced him to resew any respiration filter he got in his hands. Plop and Bigeye had once suggested he could saw the tusks off. They both had learned that day that Kirzan moves like a snake and is really good with knives, and never mentioned the tusks ever again.  
“Well... What now?” Bigeye asked finally because he had the feeling he was too quiet for too long. Bigeye had this feeling every five minutes and everyone else was of the opinion he was deadly wrong.  
“We can have snowball fight,” said Plop.  
Paves shook her head and from her head and shoulders fell a smaller whitish grey avalanche. “Ash. No snow.”  
Kirzan, who had been excited by the idea because he loved excuses to fight as much as he loved setting things ablaze, made a long face. “Oh yeah, right...”  
But Plop didn't let it to discourage him. He pulled a can of thinner out of his pocket and sprayed the ash a little.  
“You've got too much thinner and too little ash in it.”  
“Kirzan, just 'cus ya can cook doesn't mean ya ate all da wisdom in da world.”  
“Of course not, 'twas you who ate it all. But if it wasn't for me, you'd had to eat it raw.” There'd had been another sarcastic remark but Plop finally got thinner to ash ratio right and Kirzan got a nasty grey ball right into his ear.  
Bigeye, who was actually guilty of it because he crouched down, fled to find a cover. Plop and Kirzan were about to start a fight. They would had even had one if it wasn't for Paves who took each by collar and held them in the air until they stopped kicking around and swearing.  
The dungeon troll was trying to get the thinner off his hand by wiping it in his trousers. Kirzan was doing his best to get the thinner and ash mash out and off his ear.  
“You should be glad he hadn't got any glue,” said Bigeye. When he was Kirzan's face, he pretended he hadn't said anything at all.  
“Rocks. Throw rocks. Rock is traditional.”  
There was a silence because everyone was considering Paves's idea. Finally Plop summed it up: “Look, someone would get hurt sooner or later. I don't like Bigeye but not dis much, no.”  
“Well, thanks a bunch then...”  
Silence. Only occasionally someone shook off the ash which was still falling from above.  
“We can find someone else to throw rocks at,” Bigeye said in the end because he felt a little guilty that they missed this fun because of him.  
“Who'd be spendin' dis night in da lowest floors?”  
“Us, for example. There are plenty of lost existences like we are in this town.”  
“'Nd ya wanna go now 'nd look for dem?”  
“Well... I don't.”  
There was silence.  
“Hey, where is Kirzan?”  
“Like I know.”  
“Paves, have you seen Kirzan leaving?”  
“Who's Kirzan?”  
“Stop that, it ain't funny.” Bigeye stood up and began searching the area.  
Meanwhile Paves wondered whether the three trolls she knew had names all along. Even in cruel freezing winters Paves's brain was slightly slow.  
Meanwhile but a little later Kirzan returned with several bottles. He sat down to Plop: “Where is Bigeye?”  
“Like I know.”  
“Paves, have you seen Bigeye leaving?”  
“Who's Bigeye?”  
“The smallest one.”  
Paves nodded slowly. A small snowstorm fell off her head. “And who's Kirzan?”  
“I am Kirzan,” Kirzan said and put the bottles down in front of himself.  
“Uh-huh.” For a while there was silence and then Paves stood up and left.  
“Plop?”  
“If ya're 'bout to ask me where is Paves, I'm gonna hit ya sooo good...”  
“Oh, well, nothing then.”  
“Bigeye, I have found Kirzan,” they heard Paves whispering two blocks away. Paves could had been whispering further away, she'd be heard anyway.  
After a while Paves returned with Bigeye on her shoulder. She put him gently down to the rest of the group. Bigeye slowly sat up and checked the damage done and if he hadn't broken anything in the process because Paves's gentleness had its limits. She was used to take care for rocks, for starter.  
The he jeered at Kirzan: “Where, for the hell's sake, did you go?”  
“I went to get a drink. Where did you go?”  
“I went to look for you.”  
“Well, you went damn wrong.”  
“I have noticed, yeah,” Bigeye growled.  
Plop, according to whom the two of them was talking for long enough, was waiting when they start using such words as globalization or environmental. To avoid it he said: “So what did ya bring?”  
“Cognac.”  
“Are ya sharin'?”  
“Why do you think I brought three bottles?”  
“Ya found three bottles o' cognac just so?”  
“Well, maybe someone from the upper floor is going to be looking for them. But that's not our problem, is it?”  
“But if we want to drink it, gentlemen-”  
“And Paves,” Paves interrupted Bigeye.  
“Right. Gentlemen and Paves, if we want to get hammered, I suggest we do it somewhere inside. I personally am not planning to celebrate the holidays by breathing in chlorine and lead.” For once, everyone agreed with Bigeye.

They weren't laying at the end of the world but the abandoned office, which they had promoted to their more or less main base, could be reminding someone of it. Plop and Bigeye, who hadn't got much stamina in general, were laying in sweet cognac half unconsciousness on the floor. Kirzan, feeling it was his duty to finish their bottles, was at least able to crawl to a mattress and fall asleep there.  
Paves was sitting on the floor, champing tiles. From time to time she took a swig of cooling medium meant for refrigerators because she felt embarrassed being the only one sober in the room.

They hadn't meet at the end of the world. But end of the year was an occasion good enough for them.

**Author's Note:**

> In my life I had met four troll races so far from four different universes and I wanted them to meet each other.  
> Plop stands for dungeon trolls from Dungeons & Dragons. Kirzan is a Warcraft Troll. Bigeye represents the Homestuck trolls, seadwellers to be precise. Paves comes from Discworld trolls.   
> So now, how many points did you get?


End file.
